Stu Kliman from Vantage Partners did an excellent session for our alliances organization last week on conflict management and resolution. My takeaways from this session, which we called SAS Alliance University, will be the subject of several blog posts.
My first takeaway I call "Mind The Gap". No, not the ubiquitous retail store!
Stu kicked off the session with a video of a difficult conversation between two alliance managers and he asked us to identify "helpful and unhelpful" behaviors. We all proceeded to diagnose the root causes of the conflict and develop a list of the "unhelpful" comments from both parties.
Stu posited that if you could put these two alliance managers in our class and have them watch the same video, they would have no problem identifying the problem behaviors. In other words, "out of the moment" they could dispassionately diagnose the "good, the bad and the ugly." We are the same way - often we know what the right thing thing to do is, but in the moment, we fail to do the right thing.
Why?
When we are in conflict ridden alliance conversations, the stakes are usually high. The success of the alliance is often on the line, and the expectations and pressure to deliver are high. This ratchets up our emotions and increases the likelihood of a bad outcome.
Stu calls this phenomenon - the "gap between our espoused beliefs and our practiced beliefs."
What does it require to close this gap? Humility and deliberate, intentional effort to practice good conflict management and resolution techniques. I'll cover these in subsequent posts.
Ironically, the more arrogant someone is about their conflict management skills, the larger the gap is between their espoused and practiced beliefs! To develop your alliance skills in this area - mind the gap!
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